Monday, July 6, 2009

Happy Bithday to YOU!

I wish I knew the perfect words to say to give you the perfect birthday greeting. One that would erase the fact that we're spending it apart. One that would convey how happy I am for your special day, and how heartbroken I am that I cant be there with you for it. I love you, and if it weren't for this special day... you wouldn't be you... and you wouldn't be the amazing guy I fall more and more in love with every day. I'm sorry we're not all together to share it with you, but I KNOW that each one of us is thinking abut you, and wishing you the greatest of days. I love you. For you, on your day... from the person who sums it up best...

"I wish we could do what they do in Katroo. They sure know how to say "Happy Birthday to

In Katroo, every year, on the day you were born they
start the day right in the bright early morn. When the birthday
Honk-Honker hikes high up Mt. Zorn and lets loose a big blast on the big
Birthday Horn. And the voice of the Horn calls out loud as it plays: "Wake
up! for today is your day of all days!"

Then, the moment the Horn's happy honk-honk is heard,
comes a fluttering flap-falp! and then comes THE BIRD!

The Great Birthday Bird! And, so far as I know,
Katroo is the only place Birthday Birds grow. This bird has a brain.
He's most beautifully brained with the brainiest bird-brain that's ever been
trained. He was trained by the most splendid Club in this nation, The
Katroo Happy Birthday Asso-see-eye-ation. And whether your name is Pete,
Polly or Paul, when your birthday comes round, he's in charge of it

Whether your name is Nate, Nelly or Ned, he knows your
address and he heads for your bed. You hear a soft swoosh in the
brightening sky. You are not all awake. But you open one eye.
Then over the housetops and trees of Katroo, you see that bird coming! To you. Just to you!

That bird pops right in! You are up on your feet!
You jump to the window! You meet and you greet With the Secret Katroo birthday
Hi-Sign-and-Shake that only good people with birthdays may make. You do it
just so. With each finger and toe. Then the bird says, "Come on!
Brush your teeth and let's go! It's your day of all days! It's the Best of
the Best! So don't waste a minute! Hop to it! Get Dressed!

And five minutes later, you're having a snack on your way
out of town on a Smorgasbord's back. "Today," laughs the Bird "eat whatever
you want. Today no one tells you you cawnt or you shawnt. And,
today, you don't have to be tidy or neat. If you wish, you may eat with
both hands and both feet. So get in there and munch. Have a big
munch-er-oo! Today is your birthday! Today you are

If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.
If you'd never been born, well then what would you do? If you'd never been
born, well then what would you be? you might be a fish! Or a toad in a
tree! You might be a doorknob! or three baked potatoes! You might be a bag full
of hard green tomatoes. Or worse then all that... Why, you might be a WASN'T! A
Wasn't has no fun at all. No, he doesn't. A wasn't just isn't. He
just isn't present. But you... You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that

So we'll go to the top of their toppest blue space, The
Official Katroo Birthday Sounding-Off Place! Come on! Open your mouth and sound
off at the sky! Shout loud at the top of your voice, "I AM I! ME! I am I!
and I may not know why but I know that I like it. Three cheers! I am

And now, on this Day of all Days in Katroo, The
Asso-see-eye-ation had built just for you a railway with very particular boats
that are pulled through the air bu Funicular Goats. These goats never
slip, never trip, never bungle. They'll take us down fast t the Birthday
Flower Jungle. The best-sniffing flowers that anyone grows we have grown t
be sniffed by your own private nose.

They smell like licorice! And cheese! Send forty Who-Bubs
up the trees to snip with snippers! nip with nippers! Clip and clop with
clapping clippers. Nip and snip with clipping cloppers! Snip and snop with
snipping snoppers! All for you, the Who-Bubs clip! Happy Birthday! Nop and

Then pile the wonderous-smelling stacks on fifty
Hippo-Heimer's backs! They'll take those flowers all home for you. You can
keep the Hippo-Heimers too.

While this is done, I've got a hunch it's time to eat our
Birthday Lunch...

For Birthday luncheons, as a rule, we serve hot dogs,
rolled on a spool. So stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff
till you've had enough.

Now, of course, we're all mustard, so, one of the rules
is to wash it all off in the Mustard-Off Pools. Which are very fine
warm-water mountaintop tubs which were built, just for this, by the mustard-Off

Then, out of the water! Sing loud while you dry! Sing
loud, "I am lucky!" Sing loud, "I am I!"

If you'd never been born, then you might be an ISN'T! An
Isn't has no fun at all. No he disn't. He never has birthdays, and that
isn't pleasant. You have to be born , or you don't get a present. A
Present! A-ha! Now what kind shall I give...? Why, the kind you'll
remember as long as you live!

Would you like a fine pet? Well, that's just what you'll
get. I'll get you the fanciest pet ever yet! As you see we have here,
in the heart of our nation The Official Katroo Birthday Pet Reservation.
From east of the East-est to west of the West-est, we've searched the whole world
just to bring you the best-est. They come in all sizes... small, medium,
tall. If you wish, I will find you the tallest of all!

To find who's the tallest we start with the
We start with the smallest. Then what do we do? We
line them all up. Back to back. Two by two. Taller and taller. And, when
we are through, we finally will find one's who's taller then who.
But you have to be smart and keep watching their feet.
Because sometimes they stand on their tiptoes and cheat.

And so, from the smaller we stack them up taller. And
taller. And taller. And taller and taller. And now! Here's the one who's taller
then all-er! He's yours. He's all yours. He's the very top tallest. I know
you'll enjoy him. The tallest of all-est! I'll have him shipped home
to you, Birthday Express. That costs quite a lot. But I couldn't care
less. Today is your Birthday! Today You are You! So what if it costs me a
thousand or two.

Today is your birthday! You get what you wish. You
also might like a nice Time-Telling Fish. So I'll send Diver Getz and I'll
send Diver Gitz deep under the sea in their undersea kits. In all the wide
world there are no better pets than the Time-Telling Fish that Gitz gits and
Getz gets.

But, speaking of time... Why, good gracious alive! That
Time-Telling Fish says it's quarter to five! I had no idea it was getting
s late! We have to get going! We have a big date!

And so, as the sunset burns red in the west, comes the
night of the Day-of-of-the-Best-of-the-Best! The
Night-of-All-Nights-of-All-Nights in Katroo! So, according to rule, what
we usually do Is saddle up two Hooded Klopfers named Alice and gallop like
mad to the Birthday Pal-alace. Your Big Birthday Party soon starts to
begin. In the finest Pal-alace you've ever been in!

Now this Birthday Pal-alace, as soon you will see, has
exactly nine thousand, four hundred and three Rooms to play games in! Twelve
halls for brass bands! Not counting the fifty-three hamburger stands. And
besides all of that, there are sixty-five roms just for keeping the
Sweeping-Up-Afterwards-Brooms. Because, after your party, as well you may
guess, it will take twenty days just to sweep up the mess.

First, we're greeted by Drummers who drum as they
come. And next come the Strummers who strum as then come. And the
Drummers who drum and Strummers who strum Are followed by Zummers who come as
they zum. Just look at those Zummers! they're sort of like plumbers.
They come along humming, with heads in their plumbing and that makes the music
that Zummers call zumming!

And all of this beautiful zumming and humming and
plumbing and strumming and drumming and coming.... all of it, all of it, All
is for you!

LOOK! Dr. Derring's Singing Herrings! Derring's Singing,
Spelling Herrings! See what Derring's Herring's do! They sing and spell it! All
for you! And here comes your cake! Cooked by Snookers and Snookers, The official
Katroo Happy Birthday Cake Cookers. And Snookers and Snookers, I'm happy
to say are the only cake cookers who cook cakes today made of guaranteed,
certified strictly Grade-A Peppermint cucumber sausage-paste butter! And the
world's finest cake slicers, Dutter and Dutter and Dutter and Dutter, with
hatchets a-flutter, High up on the poop deck, stand ready to cut her.

Today you are you! That is truer then true! There is
no one alive who is you-er then you! Shout loud, "I am lucky to be what I am!
Thank goodness I'm not just a clam or a ham or a dusty old jar of sour
gooseberry jam! I am what I am! That's a great thing to be! If I say so

Now, by Horseback and Bird-back and Hiffer-back too,
come your friends! All your friends! From all over Katroo! And the Birthday
Pal-alace heats up with hot friends and your party goes on! On and on
till it ends.

When it ends, you're much happier, richer and
fatter. And the Bird flies you home on a very soft

So that's what the Birthday Bird does in Katroo.
And I wish I could do all those great things
for YOU!"


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