Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Beware of Bear

As a stay at home mom, I start the school year by saying to the teacher "If there's ever a day you need extra help, please don't hesitate to ask". I love being with my boys, and I love watching them in their "Natural habitat". I don't push myself on the teachers, because I believe that this time away from me is actually good for them in a way. It allows them to develop their own habits, their own friends, and their own sense of self, without Mom always being there nagging them into doing the right thing.

There is a Mom at Hayden's school who, for whatever reason, feels that being in the class every day is appropriate. and for her situation, for her child, maybe it is. I don't know. What I DO know is, that if she is there for her son, then her main concern should be HER son. However I have watched her over the last few weeks since school opened, and I am amazed at the depth she gets involved in the class, as if she herself were the "co-teacher". So this AM, when she tapped me on the shoulder and asked if she could speak to me after the kids went to class, my Mama-senses... they were tingling.

My son's aren't angels. At 16, 10, and 7, they can push even the most peaceful of saints to the edge. But they are good kids. They've each struggled with "misplaced parents". They've each had to come to terms with our new blended family in their own way, and at times that can leave Shel and I sitting back scratching our heads in wonder. But inherently, they are great kids. They've been raised with incredible love, fierce protection, and an openness that we hope will stay with them as they grow and become their own people.

Every now and then, Shel and I are faced with the random call from school, the occasional parent teacher meeting, and even the concerned conversation with a Sunday School teacher. And that's understandable. We listen, we ask for suggestions, and we talk to our kids.

But... back to this AM. I wait for the line of kids to go in, and this mom/teacher approaches me and says "Did your son talk to you about an incident that happened yesterday?"

My guard went up instantly. If there were an incident at school involving my son, I 100% want to know about it! But, I 100% want the teacher to be the one talking to me about it! Not some random mom who has no right to involve herself in my sons life.

"No" I said as calmly as I could "What incident?"

"Well Adam and Nick were in the bathroom and..."

I stop her. Yesterday when I went to pick up Hayden after school, I heard a number of the parents talking about "Adam and Nick", who they thought were filling the sink with toilet paper, and how super mom/teacher stepped in and dealt with it. At the time I took notice for a number of reasons. 1) None of the parents discussing it were Nick or Adam's parents. 2) Super mom/teacher dealt with it?? Why didn't she notify the teacher? or have an ACTUAL school official deal with it?

So.. I stop this woman this AM as she gets into the story and say "Adam and Nick aren't my children."

"They're not?"

"No. My son is Hayden"

"Oh. I could have sworn it was Adam and that Adam was your son."

At this point I'm getting irritated, because I was there the 7 hours it took for that little boy to enter the world, and I've been there for every scrape, cut, cold, fight, and tear ever since. I'm pretty sure I know WHO my son is and WHAT his name is!

She continues "Oh.. well there was an incident yesterday where Adam and Nick were in the bathroom..."

Perhaps its the 8 years I spent as a Social Worker. Perhaps its the 30 years I've spent living with my parents as they fulfilled their roles as both ministers and social workers in various parts of the country, or perhaps its the COMMON SENSE that this woman appeared to be lacking, but confidentiality is a BIG thing to me! So... as this woman attempts to tell me this story about 2 children I have no affiliation with, getting in trouble at school I am seriously bothered.

"I'm sorry, but it didn't involve my son?"

"Well I thought he said his name was Adam"

"But not my son HAYDEN?"

Pause Pause as she peers in through the window of the classroom trying to pick out the kid...

"I don't think its appropriate that you tell me this if it doesn't involve my son, and I don't know if its appropriate that YOU be the one telling any parent"

"Well... um.. he told me his name was Adam, I could have sworn it was Adam"

At this point I walk away. I figure its best because I'm boiling, and because she's back peddling, that I get a move on before I say something more about the unprofessionalism exhibited by this Non-professional.

"Unless he lied to me about his name..."

I think I might have given myself a case of whiplash turning around to face her. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for keeping my feet rooted in the spot and for not pointing at her as I said, dripping with anger "My Son Wouldn't Do That" and turned and continued to walk out of the school.

"oh... um.. well.. no... thanks... have a good day"

I was seething. And I have never used that word before because it always made me thing of spittle flying from your mouth, red faced furious. And I've never felt that way... but today, I was SEETHING. My 10 min walk home from the school took 4. I must have looked like a couple of my clients, muttering to myself the whole way home. I emailed Shel and told him what had happened, and he did what I was in no state of mind to do. He called the principle. She was furious! and assured him it will be dealt with swiftly, and that it will not reflect on Hayden's treatment in any way. You're awesome baby!

I love my boys! I get up at 3:30AM to talk to my middle son before he goes to school over in the UK (Time differences are a killer!). We turn on the web cam, and I help my oldest son (and his dad) with his Algebra homework. I try and teach my youngest all I can about caring and loving people/animals, and his responsibilities to this awesome planet we live on while he's still litte enough to get him excited and geared up.

I think each one of them should get a little tattoo that says "Beware of Mama Bear"

1 comment:

  1. That would make me so mad, you have every reason to be more than angry. I'm a volunteer at school and I have never-ever made a comment about another kid...A lot of times, I just mutter to myself..I'm glad 'my' kid didn't do that!! LOL That lady had a lot of nerve. Your boys are cute! My son is a cutie too, he is in 8th grade and my daughter is in college.. Thanks for following me! I have subcribed to your post comments!