OK... Its Tuesday and my brain has stopped working completely.. so.. instead of thinking of something funny, and actually interesting to read I'm going to share something I wrote on my facebook last year. Hope you enjoy. I may be back when my brain stops hitting snooze.
So.. I know that a lot of you will be missing my crazy Sharon stories... I've got one for you today that I HAD to share...I warn you.. if you have a weak stomach.. Do NOT read this note... lol.. I promise you I'll tell you a cleaned up version if you ding me.
I've been having headaches for.. months... headaches is the wrong word actually... It's been one headache.. just varying in degree. I've been off work for a month and a half because it was so bad. So my Dr sent me for Xrays, and I've come back with "Severe Sintutitis". or.. as my Dr put it "You have very bad..." and then waved her hand in front of her face... lol.Dr Lilly (my dr) sent me to an ENT specialist to have him take a look at my throat, which she said there were some concerns with as well.After waiting about 3 weeks for an appointment, I went on Monday to T.E.G.H. to have them look down my throat.. up my nose... and whatever other horrors I was imagining.
I got into the Drs office. He asked how I was feeling, I said fine and he said "then why the hell are you here?" LOL.. Nice... confidence level dropping... lol. He says "Im worried about your sinuses... Im going to take a look at them. The Xrays show there is something in your nasal passage.. about 2cm up (in? down?). He grabs a scope.. a VERY scary looking machine, and sticks it up my left nostril... I have a cold at the moment... I dont think that was a wise idea.. but he's the Dr. He takes a look in the scope and says "Hmm.. this one is so blocked I can't even see anything" Images of snot rose in my head like the sugar plumb fairy. He takes the scope and then jams it up my right nostril... and jam is no exaggeration.... I think it poked me in the eye!! The force of this THING in my nose caused me to slam my eyes shut and he says "oh no.. open your eyes...." I do and he says give me your hand".. Im thinking... awww... what a comforting Dr... he sticks the scope in my hand and says.. "here! take a look"...
I'm looking at this DISGUSTING thing that looks a little like the swamp creature and he says "Thats your sinuses... what do you think of them" ... what do I think? they're... pretty?... pink... is there a right answer? My dr says "I dont like the look of them!" so I said.. "no.. me neither" and watched them move while I talked... strange... He says.. we need to take care of these... I'll tell you what we're going to do....2 weeks of antibiotics.. (I've just finished week 3 of antibiotics!! no more pills!!) Nasal spray for 3 months... (I HATE nasal spray!! It burns!!!!)and a sinus rinse...
hmm.. that sounds.. pleasant... like a trip to the spa... or like a rinse at the hair dressers... He says let me get you the kit.
He returns with 2 boxes.. hmmm.. this doesn't look good...he hands me one box with a scary picture of a HUGE bottle on it. he says...What your going to do is fill this bottle with warm water.... open a package of the solution, pour it into the bottle, and then.. standing over a sink.... slowly squeeze the bottle allowing the solution to entre your nasal cavity...
Im a little worried.. it sounds a little creepy... but.. its going to help so I am ok with it.. then... dumb me has to ask..."why stand over a sink?"
"oh.. because the solution is going to run out your mouth."
Your kidding... right? He says no... this is what you have to do so that we can get a clear cat scan....
"out my mouth?"
I HAVE TO GO!!!
I practically sprint out of the Drs office once he says I can go and into the waiting car. I rip open the box when I get in the car and discover a bottle the size of… well… the size of a 240mL bottle… for those of you who need some reference point… a can of coke is 355mL… and that 100 ML.. NOT a whole lot of difference!!!
On the instructions is a picture… of a woman… with her head over a sink.. and this bottle up her nose..
OMG he isn’t kidding!!!!!!
This AM was my first rinse… After a few tears… a few bad words… and a couple of “I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS!” whines… I place the top of the bottle to my right nostril and squeeze.
You know that feeling when you dunk your head under water and forget to plug your nose? THAT is the feeling that instantly hits… but.. I keep on squeezing and I can feel SOMETHING behind my eye moving around.. (ITS ALIVE!!!) as I’m yelling to Shel in the next room “It feels GROSS!” I feel a trickle in my throat..
oh no… Im gonna yack!!!!!
But no.. instead… this salt water solution starts to dribble out… OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! I start to freak out at the thot of it being not JUST solution that’s coming out..
I stop thinking that. The whole bottle MUST be gone.. Only to realize I’ve just put about ¼ of a ¼ of a bottle in my nose.. and I have to keep going…
15 min. later, I have a clear nasal passage… and can sell all the glorious smells that I haven’t smelt in months. The fresh paint that has just been done in our house. The smell of last nights subway (which is far better then the smell of THE subway). The starchy new couch smell as I sit down to wipe away the tears and… solution… that is lingering.Because he is the GREAT guy he is… and because he’s a little bit of a sucker… lol.. Shel agree’s to do a rinse with just warm water… so he knows how it feels… lol… LOL….. ROFL… LMAO…. A few more bad words, a few more I don’t want to’s.. and a few more tears… and we BOTH can smell the glories of the new house… Wow… only 89 more days of doing that to go!!!!
And.. as we sit her.. laughing at our own stupidity for doing it… (him a little more then me.. because his was for fun… the fact that I HAVE to do this for 3 more months… NOT so funny!!) its strange… because you can actually feel your nasal passages fill back up… which.. when you think about WHAT they are filling up with… NOT so funny.
So that’s my Nasal story… Ahhh.. I feel better for having shared it with you.. lol… and the satisfaction that some of you out there are now gripping your nose going “OUCH” while others of you have stopped reading and made a mad dash for the bathroom. LoL…
Welcome to my world…