Saturday, December 12, 2009

Dear former hotness that was me!

My SITSter, Chocolate Covered Daydreams has a pretty great contest going on to win a wii fit plus. After the holiday season, who COULDN'T stand to get in shape, and I could use ALL the help I can get, since I'll be unpacking from the move, and sulking about how fat I looked in my wedding dress. So I for one know this is a GREAT thing for me to win. So I'm going to try my hardest. Click here, and you'll fine the rules for winning a wii fit plus. Click here and you'll be sent to e-bay, where you can attempt to buy one. Given my anorexic pocket book this Christmas season, I'll take the challenge, and write my letter.

Dearr Former Hotness that Was Me, grade 9.
(Thats just a little name game we play. I call her Former hotness that was me, she calls me fat ass Put That Donut Down Future Me!)

What were you thinking letting your friend cut your bangs?!?! The week before picture day?!? Don't worry... it grows back, and you'll only be mocked about it for... um... about 2 years.

You know that chick who sits across from you in morning class? Right now, she hates you. But hang in there, because once you buy new shoes, she'll soften up, and by the time you're thirty, she'll still be your best friend. Oh... and speaking of that. Contrary to what you thought, you're NOT wearing Depends at 30, and have only had ONE peeing your pants accident. (althought you should practice doing kegals now, because once you've pushed a missile out of your vagina, those will REALLY come in handy for coughing, sneezing, or any trampoline jumping you may plan on doing)

Be nicer to that boy (Mountain Boy) who sits behind you in society challenge and change class. A year from now he's going to save your life from a psycho stalker in your school, and support you the whole way through the trial. So what he has ducktape holding his shoes together, and purposly cuts straight lines in his jeans and everyone calls him garbage boy? He's actually a pretty decent kid, and you end up shattering his heat in a million pieces first year of college, so... be nice to him now to make up for it.

Get out there and do stuff. Go to a couple parties. Hang out with people. Because when you grow up, you'll want to look at these days as great moments. (and wont be grown up when you turn 17!) However, here area a couple of things that when you get older, you'll wish you hadn't done. DONT accept a ride from the creepy guy who pulls up at the bus station and offers to drive you to work. Don't walk down that dark alley downtown at midnight, when every bone in your body is telling you to run away from the creep you're with, and... well... just listen to that little voice. You're a pretty smart kid (I'm sorry!!! WOMAN) and you know whats on the level and whats not.

I know this is getting long, and your attention span is only as long as one episode of 90210, but just a couple more things.

You know the guy? THE guy? McCute Older guy? The one you spend all your time daydreaming about, trying to find reasons to hang out with, and the one who's lap you like to sit on during youth group meetings when there are no seats left? (btw, nice move!) Hang in there. Because 16 years from now, he's going to ask you to marry him, and make you the happiest girl out there. Oh and while you're at McCute Older guy's house, babysitting his cute adorable little baby boy, snap a pic of him in the bath, or on the toilet, because 16 years from now, when you tell him to clean his room and he says "Mom I don't want to!", that pic will SO come in handy!

So... keep on doing most of what you're doing now. And have fun, because things change when your an adult. You still have fun, but its WAY different. Yes that zit will go away, no Andrew not talking to you ISNT the end of the world, and you're NOT going to die if you don't get your 3rd eaar piercing. (But you DO need new shoes, Bullets just aren't cutting it!)



  1. Awww! You were a cutie! Still are, of course!

  2. OMG, I totally laughted at the kegels part! And I also made the mistake of cutting my own bangs, ugh!!

  3. I loved this! It was so funny! You have MY sense of humor!

    Thank you for entering the giveaway. I'm now a follower of your blog. I hope to find some time to read through your older posts.