Wow... I think I hit the top of the emotional scale last night... or... the bottom... whatever the worst would be, that was me!!! I think my body has started to prepare itself for little Miss Princess (Or His Royal Highness) because I am the emotional equivalent of a 22 month pregnant elephant! Add into that a little PMS, and I'm surprised McHubby came home from work last night without full protective gear!
McHubby and I, we were occasional extended weekend guests at his abode (thats the fancy way to say we shacked up for a bit) so we're not strangers to living with each other. Most people I know say their biggest adjustment after getting married, was getting used to the other person always being there. We THRIVE on that. Knowing at the end of a day here by myself, he'll come home, we'll spend time together and then fall asleep in each others arms, thats what keeps me going! I LOVE his always being here!! and I'd like to think he loves that I am here too!
But anyemo... We're kind of going through this stage... I think about him... a lot... and I try to make things easier for him, because I know he's working 10 hour days, and that when he gets home he's exhausted! I, on the other hand, am here all day. Watching HDBravo, and getting involved in more reality shows then I even knew existed!! So... when it comes to getting things done around the house, I like to try and get it done before he comes home so that a) He can relax and not have to help me and b) so that its not time we could be spent chatting together or something that we're out doing other things like I'm vacuuming while he's changing light bulbs.
But.. inevitably, something will happen. The dog will grab something while I'm not paying attention, or the Real Housewives of Orange County will have a meltdown, and something I planned to get done doesn't get done. And I feel bad. So when McHubby comes home, I hug him and usually end up saying something like "I forgot to make the bed!! I'm sorry!" Because I've been here all day... eating Mac and Cheese out of the pot, and I could have had it done, and then he wouldn't have to... and I feel guilty.
So last night, after apology number who-knows, and emotional crying fit number 30-infinity, McHubby and I lay it out. My apologizing makes him feel bad, like that he's some mean task-master and I am trying to get everything done FOR him. He likes helping around the house, and he hates it when I run around doing stuff and leave him with nothing to do but sit there. I NEVER looked at it that way!! and when I tell him sorry? It makes him feel worse!! I get it!! I really do!! And I Promised him I'd work on it.
But I said WE were going through this stage. What is his stage? He's worried that I wont be happy here. That I'll resent moving, that I'll be bored in the house all day, or bored when he gets home to tired to do anything.
What he doesn't know is that I LOVE being here. I don't know anyone, I don't drive, and don't know the transit system, I don't have a job, or money, but I wake up every morning with my husband. I help get our kids off to school, and I putter around the house, cleaning up after the kids, and getting stuff done around the house. I LOVE cleaning up the dining room table after we've played cards, because it's something we've done together as a family. That I love tracking down the Xbox controllers, because I loved watching out kids play together the night before.
What he doesn't realize, is being here, with him, is exactly what I've wanted for half my lifetime! That being here makes me happier then I've ever been, or that my saddest moment here, I'm still happier then I've ever been.
What he doesn't realize is how incredible, loving, funny, smart, cute, caring, adorable he is! and how happy he makes me EVERY single day with just a smile, a touch or a kiss.
So... to avoid another emo-incident like last night, I promise the following to myself! (and to McHubby when he reads this)
I promise to not spend my day sitting in our bedroom, but to go out and spend time in the rest of the house, like the living room.
I promise to leave the kitchen floor till McHubby comes home, because it REALLY is a job I hate!
I promise to shower rather then watch that last episode of launch my line (that's why they invented TiVo, right?)
I promise to NOT clean the kids rooms today. It's ok for them to have rooms that look... like normal kids rooms.
I promise NOT to change the lightbulbs.
I promise not to bore you guys with any more long posts! :P