Monday, May 18, 2009

Dream a little dream for me

I'm having a rough day.

Yesterday was my SO's turn for a bad day, and watching him be sad felt like someone was ripping my heart out. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be OK. I wanted to touch his face, hold his hand, stroke his hair as he fell asleep. and I couldn't do any of it. So instead, we turned our web cams on, and I watched him fall asleep. I watched him pout in his sleep, and wake up over and over. I watched how restless he was, and there was nothing I could do about it. Those times are hard. But I suck it up, and smile and tell him not to worry. That everything will be OK, and that it'll all be over soon. and I mean every word. But inevitably there is some run over the next day.

I've been sitting here, looking at pics we took before he left. Looking at pics we took when he first came home. and I miss him like crazy. My heart aches to be with him. Last night I realized how prominent that feeling was, because when we were looking at each other, talking to each other, that pain went away, and I realized how overwhelming it is in the rest of my day.

So I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what I can plan for tonight so that when he comes home and logs on, I'll be able to spend those few hours with him and not be sad. That we'll have good memories of those hours. but the problem with starting week 7 of being apart is that... we've done a lot of stuff. we've used a lot of ideas and so I'm struggling with what to do. Last night, I looked up the 4 states we'd have to go through to get to where he is now, and I found stuff I'd love to do along the way. But what to do tonight... I don't know.

I'm off to look for ideas. I'll let you know what I come up with...

1 comment: